20 Signs you’re the Parent of a Toddler

Ah, the glorious toddler years that can literally push you to breaking point. You all of a sudden have a new found respect for your mom and you had no idea what she had to deal with. Here are the most common signs that you are indeed the mom of a toddler!

  1. Your entire day revolves around poop, yes poop, you did read correctly! What it looks like, what it smells like, and how many times it’s happened. In fact you might find yourself missing a play date as there is something rather unsavoury happening in that area that day! 
  2. Your friend rings the doorbell, and you’re angry! Why? Well you’ve finally, finally, after much negotiation managed to get your toddler to sleep and that doorbell rings just at the exact moment that silence was washed over your house. You are annoyed, really annoyed. How could she do that, doesn’t she know…there is a golden rule, call first and you tell her so. Needless to say, she doesn’t come around again for fear of being seriously reprimanded. 
  3. You can’t make it up past 9pm, if you’re lucky! Then the phone rings at 8pm. You and your husband look at each other in shock…gosh it must be some sort of major emergency for someone to call at this time. Yes you used to go out until the early hours of the morning, but now bedtime is far earlier. You’re quite taken aback that someone would even think of calling at that time! How rude!
  4. You are literally an EXPERT on kids’ TV programmes and CD’s with songs. You will sing them, you will hum them, you will watch them, and you know what, you won’t have a clue that you’re doing it. 
  5. You haven’t been to see a movie at the theatre since, ummm; oh well it’s such a long time ago, you can’t remember. Ha ha, movie at the theatre, honestly, that’s hysterical. You can barely stay awake for a movie that’s just come on TV, let alone going to watch one on the big screen.
  6. Your bathroom looks like there’s been a mummy invasion. There is toilet paper spread out far and wide. And the best part is actually re-rolling them all up. That’s hardly time consuming is it? Once they’re rolled up, well they’re not looking so good either. 
  7. You can NEVER, EVER find clean clothes. Clean clothes used to come back from the dry cleaners all nicely pressed and ready to wear. Well things have changed in that department…finding a clean shirt is a challenge enough, and when you do dig one out of the depths of your cupboard, well let’s say it’s stained. Your fingernails work very hard to try and undo the damage. It doesn’t work. You put it on anyway. It’s only going to get dirty later anyway. 
  8. You show off your intelligent working brain, man it’s one good clever brain. To show this off, you give someone an intelligent quote at a playdate. You’re all pleased as punch with yourself as you remind yourself that you’ve still got it. Your quote is met with stares. “Oh no, what have I just done?” You quickly think back to where your quote came from and realise it’s a line out of Spongebob! Gulp. You quickly remove yourself from the conversation and make an excuse that you need to run an errand. Another gulp! Hmmm, maybe you don’t have a working brain after all?
  9. You burst out in tears if you see a wedding commercial. You realise that your child will be there in a couple of years. You sob some more. You sob a lot. 
  10. You’ve yelled all sorts of ridiculous phrases like, “Don’t drink the water from the toilet bowl,” “Don’t eat the remote control,” or “Stop eating your boogers.” The ridiculous phrases could go on forever, but they’re there, loud and strong. 
  11. Your handbag…oh your poor handbag is filled with nasty things. It is filled with all sorts of foul and bad smelling things like half chewed sweets, juice bottles that have spilt all over, snacks to feed an army (most of them have mould on them) and more baby wipes than you can count. They are lifesavers after all!
  12. You automatically get excited and start pointing out the nee-naw whenever you hear a siren. Even to your workmates. You just can’t help yourself, it’s inside of you! They will glare at you and wonder whether you’re fit to do your job. You might wonder that yourself.
  13. You lie in until 7:30am and it’s magical, gloriously amazing! Seriously that 7:30am lie-in is the best thing that will happen to you! EVER! You will be so excited by this that you will tell anyone that is prepared to listen!
  14. You have had to say goodbye to me time. Me time…what is that? Oh yes, forgot, it’s a trip to the dentist. It’s really quite relaxing you should try it. 
  15. You’re quite a master in the kitchen. And to show how brilliant you are, you can even do this with someone hanging from your legs screaming for something! You’ve mastered the art!
  16. You never, ever, just put shoes on. No, that’s not the way it’s done. You will check them always for bits of Lego, mashed up banana or other treats that might make their way in there. 
  17. Your privacy has been thrown out the window. It’s a thing of the past. Oh and everyone knows your secrets, everyone. There’s a tiny little person that likes to spout out the most inappropriate things to anyone and everyone. 
  18. You’re unable to go to the toilet by yourself anymore. Oh remember the days of going to the toilet by yourself. Didn’t seem like much then, but now, oh now, how you would long to just get to the toilet and do your business by yourself without a little person coming in for a chat and a visit. Wherever you are, they will find you.
  19. You have a voice in your head while you’re sleeping. Or at least you’re trying to sleep, but there is someone constantly talking to you, it’s like a tirade which you can’t quite comprehend, and they’re pretty persistent too!
  20. You will never have a cup of hot tea of coffee again! Hot tea and coffee…oh what a dream! By the time you get to it, it’s going to be beautifully luke warm, ready to be thrown out. 

Does any of this sound familiar? Are you the parent of a toddler? Have we missed out anything, we’d love to hear your thoughts?

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