You were all excited at the prospect of becoming a mom. Your beautiful angel made her entrance and all was perfect with the world.
Well besides the fact that you could barely walk and the fact that you were dead tired, like really dead tired. But it still felt good…you were going to be the best mother ever and nothing could go wrong.
Then things became a bit different. You struggled to breastfeed and maybe the breast police were at your side, poking and prodding all in the name of getting it right. A slight tear shed your eye as this wasn’t quite as you imagined.
I mean, don’t babies just latch on? Well sometimes yes, and sometimes no. But you made it through to the other side, with a big smile on your face as things finally went as planned.
Although of course you did have to send your partner out to buy tent sized bras. Then you go home to find out the inbelievable truths about motherhood.
Truth Number 1 You won’t ever sleep properly again.
When they’re tiny they wake you up for feeding. As they become a toddler, they wake you up because they’re lonely. Then you get woken up because they’re sick. Then they get older and have nightmares.
Then the dreaded teens come and you sit up, bright eyed and bushy tailed waiting to make sure they get home. Say goodbye to sleep…it’s a thing of the past.
Truth Number 2 You will have a bra for any occasion, and there will probably be about 30 of those. You will never again know which one truly fits.
You’ll breastfeed, and yes the tent sized bras come out, you gain a bit of weight post baby, and then there’s a whole new size, you lose a bit of weight, hurrah, and that’s another bra.
Your cupboard will be filled with them. Quite frankly the easiest way to go is super comfortable sports bras. Yes they aren’t the most gorgeous bras you’ve ever seen, but who cares, we all just want a bit of comfort right?
Truth Number 3 You might never dress the same again. You’ll probably be seen in your yoga gear (not that you’re doing yoga), it’s just comfortable, or your sweat pants, or basically anything you can throw together in a hurry.
Makeup could become a thing of the past, as really, being a parent is all about rushing! Rushing here, rushing there, and making sure you get home in time for that much-needed nap (yours and your child’s).
In a nutshell, comfort rules! But this isn’t the case for all Moms; no you’ll see the perfectly made up Mom in the parking lot, probably with three kids in tow, and she looks like she’s just stepped off the catwalk.
Maybe she had a tummy tuck at the same time? Hmmm, mental note to self…maybe try a bit harder. Oh, sorry, forgot, don’t have time for that haircut or can’t fit into any of my clothes. Oh well, let’s just still stick with comfort.
Truth Number 4 You will see a new side to your husband! Sometimes it can be for the better as they help out in more ways than you can imagine and sometimes it can be for the worse as they mourn their free days, and consider investing in a man cave to escape the chaos.
Sometimes they can be just a tad jealous of this new being that has entered your home and is taking up so much of your time and they’re feeling left out.
Truth Number 5 So you’re at home, your child is really sick. She’s running a fever and vomiting. You umm and you ahh about whether to take her to the doctor. So you eventually give in and make that appointment.
As you walk into the doctor’s rooms, there are smiles all around, not a single sign of a fever and she’s ready for action. You skulk out feeling very embarrassed as the doctor looks on with that, “She’s a weirdo,” patronising look that is so loved by all.
Then there’s the time that she has a fever and she’s vomiting and you fear the doctor’s visit, because of course she’s going to be just fine when you get there. So you leave it. But guess what, now she’s really sick and you have to go to the emergency room. Embarrassment and guilt set in and they’re there to stay! How are we meant to know when it’s real and when it’s not?
Truth Number 6 So your baby is sleeping through the night…for the first time. You declare it loudly and proudly to anyone who will listen; in fact you even post it on Facebook. Big no, no. Because you know what’s going to happen, that very next night your baby will NOT sleep through the night. Then you loudly declare that your child is well and truly potty trained.
You’ve gone out and bought big boy pants, what an achievement, no more pee on the floor. So in his big boy pants he goes, and well, it all goes pear shaped.
Potty training clearly hasn’t worked. Hmmmm, how to swallow those words. Then your child is declared such a well behaved child at school and of course you bring this into every conversation possible. The next day, you get that call. The dreaded call. The one from the school to tell you that your little angel has turned into a little devil overnight!
Don’t EVER, EVER utter a word about anything you see as an achievement. As soon as it comes out your mouth, well it all goes horribly wrong. They know, for sure. And they will prove you wrong. Perhaps they have a sixth sense or something?
Truth Number 7 Dad’s get more free time than Moms. Now how do we know this? Well moms change about 7,300 diapers by the time their kids are two. Whoa…that’s a lot. In fact that’s three 40 hour work weeks a year. Ummm, what? That’s more time than people get paid for vacation! In the US people get about 8 days of paid vacation, which means moms spend two more weeks per year changing diapers than they do taking a vacation.
Dads, on the other hand, spend about half a minute less per diaper change than moms and they have three hours more leisure time than us every week. Three hours more EVERY WEEK!
Hey, something about this is shouting out "Not fair, give me back my time."
But besides that, we are in seriously high demand…our time is never our own. How’s this for a stat?
A pre-schooler needs to check in with mom every 4 minutes, or 210 times a day.
Seriously no wonder moms roam around in sweat pants, looking half dazed and a bit crazy all the time!
Truth Number 8 Don’t even dare go down the road of preparing an elaborate meal, by putting all your energy and love into a beautiful pasta, or creating anything that can be seen as a culinary delight.
It will get scoffed at, spat out, thrown on the floor and extreme feelings of “I hate this,” will sprout forth from their mouths.
Don’t be surprised, don’t take it to heart, it’s going to happen. Go for the good old favourites and don’t waste your time.
Truth Number 8 Your first child is an angel. They slept through the night at 8 weeks old, smile all the time are content, eat like a dream and are just the perfect model child. They are well behaved, polite, gentle and kind.
Now just a quick little wakeup call…this is not really down to your amazing parenting skills, although they’re probably pretty good, this is down to personality. Each child has their own personality and seeing this angel child is likely to get you gagging for the next one as it’s so easy isn’t it.
The next one comes along and you could be in for a bit of a shock. You could have a feisty one on your hands, and everything changes.
Sleeping through is not happening, crying is the order of the day; you’ve got a fuss pot on your hands who won’t eat anything but a peanut butter sandwich. They have been labeled a terror at school and you know those dreaded phone calls from the school, well you kinda get them daily now.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that as the first one was a dream that the second one will be too. They won’t. They just really want to test you and push you to your limit!
Truth Number 9 Please, oh please, if you want to keep your sanity and not carry a weight of guilt on your shoulders, do NOT under any circumstances go onto Pinterest.
You’ll be guilt-ridden and panicked as you see what all the amazing crafts moms are doing with their kids, all the activities, all the meals…the list goes on! So, as we said, just don’t do it.
You don’t have to be Martha Stewart, or all those other really annoying moms who find the time to do this, you can just be you, it’s okay, your kids will still be okay in the end – as long as they don’t go onto Pinterest too and ask why you’re not doing the same things with them!
Truth Number 10 If you’re struggling to fall pregnant again, even after you’ve read all of this, then we can truly say you’re one brave mama. But there is a secret that all moms should know and this is how to fall pregnant, and quickly. It’s quite simple actually.
Give away everything, and we mean everything you have that’s slightly baby related…and please make sure that they’re the big ticket items that cost the most. Give away strollers, cots, cribs, car seats, anything that was expensive.
Give it a couple of weeks, and you’ll be seeing those two lines again, we can pretty much guarantee it! So, those are the unbelievable truths of motherhood. Do you have any others to add?